You guys.

You guys, you guys, you guys…You GUYS. This is it: The ultimate, most fantastic, most needed, most rewarding DIY recipe on this here humble blog ever to be created in the natural hippie world of crunchy granola parents. This recipe cannot be beat. I am bouncing up and down with tears of joy in my eyes. I am so over-the-moon excited to share this life-changing tutorial with you.

Wow. I need to calm down, right?

You may be asking yourself, “Why is this freakish woman so pumped-up about a DIY recipe?” (You probably can’t tell by my writing, but I am actually typing this post with jazz hands. Yes, Jazz. Hands. I’m THAT JAZZED.)

And I’ll tell you why:

For the first time in over three years (since the blessed day my little C was born), I finally feel rested.

Nay, more than rested, I feel buoyed up with energy and zest. I swear I have sparkles twinkling out of my eyes because I’m so awake! I am honest-to-goodness REFRESHED for the first time since those 31 hours of labor that brought my wonderfully determined (yet committed NON-sleeper) first child into the world.

I found the secret.

The secret to getting my children to SLEEP.

Look, I like natural living. And I’ve tried every natural remedy in the book: Cherry juice, essential oils, nutrient dense foods, massage, chiropractic, singing, bed-time routines, Epsom salt baths, more sunshine, more you-name-it-I’ve-tried-it. Having a discussion about my sleeping woes with any like-minded natural friend was exhausting as they generously tried to offer all their advice that I had already tried. (You can only say, “yeah, that didn’t work either” so many times before you feel like a complete jerk.)

Homemade tranquilizer gummies for children. Finally! I can get some work done.

My kids have just never been good sleepers. Which is okay, because they are pretty much perfect in every other way, so I don’t feel bad… just tired.

But now with my brand spankin’ new recipe that’s all changed. Say it with me:

Homemade Tranquilizer!

Listen, I know the word “tranquilizer” summons traumatizing images and stories like misunderstood cougars who die after a shopping spree at a mall. And I’m not suggesting you need to invest in a blow gun and some darts to clandestinely take your precious ones out when they least expect it… unless you have a really stubborn child, of course. Nope, instead I’ve chosen the most innocent and unsuspecting vehicle to deliver a natural, non-toxic kick in the pants to knock your kids right out… all with no side effects! They get to sleep. You get to rest. It’s a win for everyone!

After all, when your kids are always on the go… go… go….

Homemade tranquilizer gummies for children. Finally! I can get some work done.

Before you know it, Mom and Dad, are at their wits ends. And that’s when bad things happen.

Homemade tranquilizer gummies for children. Finally! I can get some work done.

What makes these gummies so special?

Special ingredients, of course. When you use commercial tranquilizers full of toxic chemicals to zap your kids into complacent unconsciousness, you get drugged-up zombies with a side of major parental shame. BUT when you use only the best, natural, totally organic, pastured-raised, and slightly magical ingredients to create wholesome, nutrient-dense fruit snacks that just happen to turn your babes into sleeping beauties, you have NO GUILT lingering while you romp away or finally catch some zzzz’s of your own.

Eeek! I’m pulling out the jazz hands again!

So are you ready to arm yourself with this hippy-happy natural tranquilizer? Good!

And if that recipe wasn’t awesome enough…

I’m working on my follow-up post: All Natural Homemade Organic Tranquilizer GUNNIES! Because, boy, if your kid has a lot of energy, getting him to slow down to eat some gummies can be HARD. Stay tuned to learn how to make your own homemade tranquilizer blow dart system using a sharpened dragon claw and troll hair (free-range, of course)!

Homemade tranquilizer gummies for children. Finally! I can get some work done.

Are those jazz hands I see?! I thought so.

 

*Important Note for the Internet Trolls: This is a joke. I’m still as tired as I ever was, loving my children all day and all night long without the use of tranquilizers… homemade or not. Of course, if I could just get my hands on some Unicorn blood that might change…

#sotired

 

Homemade tranquilizer gummies for children. Finally! I can get some work done.

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